


Still Beating

by jonestar50



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 11:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21298439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonestar50/pseuds/jonestar50
Summary: decided to write this in the middle of a mini crisis as a form of ,, venting?? so it makes no real sense.... hope u enjoy :o
Relationships: America/England (Hetalia)
Kudos: 12





	Still Beating

Warmth covered the tips of his fingers, contrasting the cold air that seemed to seep through his jacket and reached his skin. Alfred could see his breath in the moonlight as he panted, the light reflecting off of the wet asphalt road. It smelled like dirt and rain.

He felt tired and distressed, his eyes wide as he attempted to look through the darkness in signs of anything, anyone. Him.

His hands felt dirty and almost sticky. Alfred balled up his hands and undid them, once, twice, again and again, each time the texture seemed to be drying up. He didn't dare to look at what he had done.

Still, his eyes found themselves looking at the figure that laid beside the road, hiding beyond the brightness of the headlights of his car. No, he was coming with him, beside him on the passenger seat, and..

He couldn't wrap his head around it. What had he done?

_It's your fault._

Yes, it was. It was Alfred's fault. One second they were driving down the dark, empty road that separated a plain and a forest, and the next he found himself aiming a gun to his lover and shooting him where his neck and back met. He had knelt down beside him as the blood left him and drained out of his veins, his heart, until he was gone, forever. His hands were covered in it.

And yet, he couldn't feel a thing. It was like an illusion. Yes, definitely; Arthur was waiting for him back at home, probably reading up on his current book series, or watching dramas while enjoying that tea that smelled like home, like he always did.

He approached the body, his ragged breathing unnoticeable to him at this point. In the dim light, he saw his face: unkept hair, thick brows, pale skin, and those pretty lips. Still, he couldn't find the emotion he was supposed to have. Alfred's eyes simply stared down at the body, a frown on his face, though his brows narrowed the space between them as if he were trying to make sense of the situation.

Moments passed before he heard rustling and then small steps behind him, making every nerve in his body jump at attention and prepare for whatever. He turned around and, to complicate things, meet face to face with Arthur again. It was a strange expression, neither sadness nor anger, but found sympathy instead. Pity, even.

Alfred looked back at where the body was- or is. Just as it was, has been, then back up to that familiar face. He was just as beautiful nevertheless.

The living one simply took a couple steps toward Alfred, who couldn't bare moving in the slightest out of fear of startling him, considering what he had just done. The cold that flowed through his body stopped as Arthur wrapped his arms around him, pressing his head on Alfred's shoulder and hiding his face in his jacket. It was then that Alfred broke into a sob, shaking in Arthur's embrace, hesitant because he knew he didn't deserve to touch him again.

The only thing Alfred could hear was the rustling in the trees and his sobbing, the warm tears running down his face while his eyes blurred. He swore he felt the hug tighten.

Raising his arms, he no longer felt the dry blood on his hands, but instead they were clean, and the body was gone, and Arthur was alright. He was okay.

The headlights illuminated their figures, and suddenly a soft tune began to play from his car radio, a slow song. Arthur lifted his head and met eye to eye with Alfred, his pity gone and instead was filled with care. And love. They shone brighter than ever, as if they reflected those green galaxies.

Alfred's breath hitched a little, his tears slowing into nothing, the cold drying up his cheeks. Arthur took hold of Alfred's hands, placing one arm on his shoulder while the other lead one of the American's hand to his waist. They were in a dancing position, like in those old movies he sometimes forced the Brit to watch.

Arthur began to take small steps, encouraging Alfred to do the same, in sync. His chest finally rose and fell at a steady pace, his gaze calm and fixated on Arthur's eyes. He hardly paid attention to the music anymore, it becoming background noise that added to the comfort.

It was a nostalgic trip, for sure. The last time they had done this was when they had gone to prom their last year of high school together, practically coming out to the whole world as they danced like old lovers to the slow song.

_Honey, I cried too_

_You better believe it_

_Honey, my heart still beats for you_

_Even though you don't feel it_

_Beating_

It continued on, each second feeling like heavenly bliss. He felt like he could cry again.

Arthur then slowed his steps a little, wanting to focus on doing something first. Alfred complied, aiding to coming to a complete stop. The song went on.

The Brit glanced at Alfred's lips before meeting their eyes again, as if in thought.

The American then found his voice, his throat dry and croaky, but he didn't care, "I-I can't do it. I can't let you go."

Arthur's lips turned up into a small smile, "Then don't."

Their faces inched closer, closing the gap between them and then-

Alfred jolted up and found his vision covered in darkness. His breath had sped up and caused the blood rush though him, just as it had in his dream. The adrenaline fogged his memory.

Right. He had fled from the party. The boy had heard Arthur arrived in Francis' car, the both of them already having time together, or so his friends had told him. Alfred scattered to an empty room, claiming to have had a bad stomachache and needed a rest. He could hear that same muffled song playing in the room beyond the door. Thankfully, he knew Gilbert's house well.

It seemed like he fell asleep in his attempt to crush down his emotions; his jealousy, his anger, his love for the British man. His dreams. That same wave of dread washed over him. Alfred leaned back into the headboard. He hadn't undone the bed either, probably resulting in shivering in his sleep as he was simply in his clothes without a blanket. He really just knocked out, huh?

Alfred was about to call for a ride home instead before a knock came from the door. Frozen, he could hardly mutter a 'come in' as the door opened anyways. Arthur stood in the doorway.

"There you are. Kiku asked me to check on you. Are you feeling better?" He shut the door behind him, in case the sudden brightness caused any more harm to the young American.

Said American could only nod.

"Good. You should come and join us- it feels rather.. bland without you there," Alfred could hear the smile in Arthur's voice, making his chest flutter.

"I was actually planning to leave a little earlier," He managed to respond. "Sorry for the inconvenience."

"No need to apologize. Though, I can't help but wonder- are you really sick? I know well enough you'd never miss out on an opportunity to socialize like this."

Alfred gulped. "Y-Yeah," He cringed, "I guess you don't know me all that well, huh?"

"Not really, I suppose. But I'd like to."

"I thought you were with Francis," He mentally beat himself over. A stupid question at an uncomfortable time. Maybe this way he can keep Arthur away from him forever.

Instead, however, the Englishman only laughed quietly, "You're mistaken. We're just old friends. He's not my type, you see."

At a strange level, this news lifted dead weight off of Alfred's shoulders. A little spark of hope erupted in his chest. "Ah.. okay."

Arthur's footsteps got closer, until Alfred could feel the weight of the bed shift. Immediately, he sat up again.

"I came because of you, you know," The Brit muttered, a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

The Yankee couldn't help but smile. Thankfully, the room was dark enough that both couldn't see much of anything beside the floor, which shone due to the moonlight that slid through the slits in the curtain.

"Really?" Alfred replied in that same tone, "I was afraid of looking at you. With him. I had to get away... to think better," He nearly blurted out. If it was everything that was getting shared right on the spot, he might as well go for it.

Arthur hummed. "Fair enough."

The American boy scooted closer to the other's body, biting gently on his lip, his hands beginning to sweat. "So do you.. I mean, you said you came because of me. Why?"

"I like you. I want to get to know you better. I mean, ever since that dance in prom.. how could I not?"

"I.. I want to get to know you too. Know you better. More than friends," Alfred noticed his body gently rocked as the blood pumped rapidly through his veins. Funny he seemed to not know much about Arthur, even if it felt like he had known him since forever. He did in his dream, after all.

A hand reached to lay on top of Alfred's, to which he almost instantly melted into. "Good to hear."

It was then he realized it was futile to escape this desire he had. At least it was mutual. After days, weeks of tormenting himself and cursing the emotions that ate at him, it was truly this simple. All that he needed was time and patience. He erased the hatred toward Francis and the times he had seemed them stroll beside each other, like a couple. Each time he witnessed that, he felt his heart lose pieces of itself.

But now he knew that those moments of pain would be kissed away, and slowly but surely, will be made up with years of everlasting happiness that he had only dreamed of up until this moment. It was sweet like honey.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for making it this far :) chapt 2 of my other fic is in the works rn!! so please hang in there if its of any interest,,. to anyone.. <__> school's been kicking my ass along with other things, but i hope to be able to work on them soon. ty <3


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